Erik Sternberger
| Apathetic Revolutionary

Erik Sternberger is a writer, filmmaker and performer based in Columbus, Ohio.

He has had several short plays published, including a three week run of a sci-fi comedy ", but it's not about that.". He's had filmed sketches on topics such as dad-bods, corporate buzzwords and the club-life that have been shown at comedy festivals and won awards online.
Erik has trained in writing and improv at Second City Chicago and performed in live shows around the Columbus area for the last 6 years. He has also performed at the Chicago Improv Festival multiple times. Erik is proud to have been awarded multiple artistic grants by the GCAC (Greater Columbus Arts Council) and has most recently been writing for McSweeney's and RobotButt.com.
Erik recently had his photos stolen and used for catfishing under the name "Kingston Royce".
Fuck New Rome has been named a WeScreenplay Finalist for Best Feature Script of 2019

"Fuck New Rome" has been now moved on to be named a Finalist for the Best Feature Script of 2019 by WeScrenplay!
2020 Top Tier Competition - Top 50!

Thrilled to announce that "Fuck New Rome" has been named one of Roadmap Writers Top Tier 50 scripts for 2020.
Named an Ohio Arts Council Individual Artist of Excellence

Individual Excellence Awards are peer recognition of a creative artist’s body of work that exemplifies their specific discipline and advances the larger artistic community. These awards support artists' growth and development and recognize their work in Ohio and beyond.
Failed Star Wars Merchandising Tie-Ins

The release of a new Star Wars movie means the release of a wave of merchandising tie-ins. But, for every exciting light-up Coca-Cola bottle or R2D2 Mini Cocotte, there are products that just didn’t take off, were canceled, or were just bad ideas, to begin with.
Three 2nd Rounders At Austin Film Festival!

This year, "The Last Man from Earth" (short), "Over Qualified" (pilot), and "The Gang Remakes 'The Last Jedi'" (spec) have all been invited down to the Austin Film Festival for 2019.
Going back to Nightmares Film Festival!

"The End of the World: An Update" is an official selection of The Nightmares Film Festival!
"Fuck New Rome" & "Mr. Tuttles" are official selections!

"Fuck New Rome" & "Mr. Tuttles" are official selections with Script Summit!
"Fuck New Rome" & "Mr. Tuttles" are quarterfinalists!

"Fuck New Rome" & "Mr. Tuttles" are quarterfinalists with Script Pipeline!
"Fuck New Rome" is a Semifinalist with Stage 32.

"Fuck New Rome" made the Quarterfinals and Semifinals in Stage 32's Comedy writing competition for 2019
"The End of the World: An Update" is an official selection of GenCon!

"The End of the World: An Update" will be shown Saturday August 3rd at 12:30 as part of the Sci-Fi Comedy block.
The Last Man from Earth named a "Short Play Finalist" in the New York International Screenplay Awards (NYISA)!

Sci-Fi short script about a man who goes in search of his destiny, only to find that it has literally passed him by.
Please Enjoy Our Company’s Star Wars Day Themed Celebration, That Is Not at All a Distraction from How Bad Things Are Going.

We have a lot of fun activities planned throughout the day that we “Hope” you will attend, even if we can’t “Force” you!
AS THE EDITOR OF THIS ENTERTAINMENT NEWS WEBSITE, I’LL BE GODDAMNED IF WE DO ANY ACTUAL JOURNALISM ON MY WATCH

Graphics monkeys, I need memes. Memes, memes, memes! Supernatural is ending. How does that “Have you like____”?
2019 Screencraft's Screenwring Fellowship Quarterfinalist!

"Fuck New Rome" has been named a quarterfinalist in Screencraft's 6th annual Screenwriting Fellowship awards!'
Fantastic Four’s Introduction to the MCU

The Fantastic Four are adventures. They are a family of Indiana Joneses, it’s just what they discover and dig up is the Future and not the Past. With that in mind, a few years back, I decided to deconstruct them a little and show why they are the best and why Doom is the scariest mother (shut your mouth) in the Marvel Universe.
My Signed Book Collection

A fun piece I wrote with Joseph Thomas for Weekly Humorist
All the Ways We’re Avoiding Saying “The Super Bowl” in Our Rent-To-Own Furniture Commercial as to Not Be Sued by the NFL

“Sunday Funday Party Warty Football Putball”
CARTOON: NEW KIDS BOOK!

‘All My Friends Are Indicted’ by Donald J. Trump
Haunting Party named to the Barnstorm Festival Short List

Haunting Party makes the final 16 pilots and top 75 scripts total for Barnstorm!
Letters Smuggled out from the Front Lines of Amazon’s Never-Ending Holiday Sale

I fear there is no end in sight to this year’s holiday season. The punch clock tells me it is the 26th of November, but I have grown to distrust the device. Time moves differently in the warehouse. The window that was installed to much fanfare in July is now covered by three bays of Echo Dots that need to be shipped out by noon.

In My Defense, I Never Thought a Black Friday Sale on Grand Pianos Would Get So Violent

I got clear, thanks to Mike Jr. He grabbed a box of loose foot pedals and took an offensive position behind the pre-owned Clavinova, whipping them into the crowd like baseballs at anything with a head until his supply ran out.
Meet Your New and Improved Elected Representatives!

An examination about who "we" really elected in the midterms that I co-wrote with the great Brooke Preston!
Fuck New Rome is a Semi-Finalist in the ISA Emerging Screenwriters Competition

Fuck New Rome is in the final 100 Scripts of the entire competition as a Semi-Finalist.'
LEAKED: The Full Set of Rules for Reading the FBI’s Kavanaugh Report

I don't know how I got this list leaked to me, but I did. So, shhhhhh.'
LEAKED: The White House Approved Kavanaugh FBI Interview List!

I don't know how I got this list leaked to me, but I did. So, shhhhhh.'
Fuck New Rome is a certified Austin Film Fest 2nd Rounder!

My first time being invited down to the amazing Austin Film Fest!
Fuck New Rome is now a Louisville International Festival of Film Finalist!

I won my first ever film award in Louisville. Hoping for another!
So, a Character in a Thing You Like Has Been Cast, With a Non-Straight White Male and You Are Angry. A Next Step Guide.

James Bond, Batwoman, The Last Jedi, and more have had had toxic fandom chase cast members off social media recently. Add this to the recent Bond "arguments" and we have a pattern. Here's how you can help.

Fuck New Rome is now a ScreenCraft Semifinalist!

Keeping with the script's momentum from being a QuarterFinalist, we hope it never hits a speed trap!
"The Gang Remakes The Last Jedi" Stage Reading

My spec screenplay was given a fantastic and hilarious reading by the great cast at O.G. Productions for a Fringe Festival
"What the what?"

The new National Comedy Center in Jamestown NY has my piece for McSweeney's as part of their long-form web comedy exhibit.

"The Gang Remakes The Last Jedi"

I was inspired by a meme to write a spec episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" mocking the stupid fanboy plan to remake Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Fuck New Rome is now an Austin Revolution FilmFest Finalist for Best Dramedy!

Very excited to watch this script progress in FilmFreeway's #1 reviewed festival in the country!
Fuck New Rome is now a Script Pipeline SemiFinalist!

Out of 7,500 scripts, Fuck New Rome has made the final 45.
Star Wars Episode 9: A New Order

Because I wanted to waste my time, I wrote the first 12 pages to if were to write Episode 9, building off of The Last Jedi and Solo. Not to be confused with the toxic "fans" who want to re-write Epsisode 8.
Other Commemorative Objects Donald Trump Jumped the Gun on Creating

Jared Kushner Silver Spoon Collection (with one spoon for each issue he has resolved)
Pitch Notes From Meetings With Replacement Directors for ‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’

Quentin Tarantino
Very Violent. Riffed for thirty minutes on how hard it would be to get blood and brains out of Wookie hair. Wanted the opening crawl brought back but written on Emilia Clarke’s feet. Had Lando say the n-word. A lot.
Actorization

Good news! Turner Classic Movies has unveiled a way to make it okay to enjoy the movies you used to love that have since been made awkward by the behavior of terrible men.
Ready POTUS One

My friend and I were talking about how, since Trump's policies are straight out of the '80s, he wanted to see SNL do a Ready Player One sketch with Trump. I decided not to wait and wrote my own over coffee the next morning.
Rejected Promotions for Major League Baseball’s 2018 Season

New York Yankees
Old Timey Fact Book Giveaway
Fans 12 and under get a book full of all the statistics they will need to know for players their fathers and grandfathers will be endlessly talking about while watching the game. With an introduction by Paul O’Neill.
Crisis Actors Exposed!

LA and Washington DC.
Donald Trump Tosses Paper Towels to Parkland Families

“This is my favorite part,” said the 45th President of the leading Nation in mass shootings, while lobbing the absorbent material at the hurting community.
Not That Anyone Asked #6 (The Cloverfield Paradox)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
Executive Orders

The full script from a sketch that was part of my 2016 NBC Packet: And now, a special announcement from the President of the United States.
A Post-Thanksgiving Workout to Help You Stay Guilt-Free by Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House of Representatives

It’s natural to feel some guilt after Thanksgiving, whether it be from eating too many candied yams or from swallowing all your principles in order to get the tax breaks you want.
Why Was Your Name on the Whiteboard in Conference Room 4–4?

Really focus this whole meeting and you can figure it out later. Don’t drift off like you usually do in these things. (Originally published Nov 20th on The Community Heckler)
Not That Anyone Asked #5 (Final Destination)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
TEMPLATE FOR INFORMING THE “FEMALE LOVE INTEREST” THAT SHE WILL NOT BE IN THE SEQUEL

An interactive form for when you need to inform the female lead of your first film that the male lead is more "interesting" without her...
Original Name for a Kenner Star Wars Action Figure or Alt-Right Insult?

1) Prune Face 2) Brownshirt 3) Snowflake...
Dispatches from a One-Inch Tall Plastic Man in a Conductor’s Suit

A bittersweet funny story that has made people cry. (Originally published in The Offing 10/19/17)
Haunting Party wins in Austin!

My Sitcom pilot script "Haunting Party" is an award winner at the Austin Revolution Film Festival for Television Writing, a great indie festival in Austin.
Not That Anyone Asked #4 (Rebooting the Fantastic Four)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
"The Rectitude of Thieves" is a Quarter-finalist!

“The Rectitude of Thieves", a story about a bank heist that goes right, but a get-away that goes wrong, has moved on to ScreenCraft's quarterfinals for Short Screenplay!

Available upon request.
8 Other Phone Calls Donald Trump Claims to Have Received

“The head of the NAACP. Wonderful phone call. Great guy. Thanked me for appointing Jeff Sessions.”
Cloud shapes I saw in the sky while standing behind Donald Trump as he told Boy Scouts about yacht sex.

by Rick Perry
Haunting Party is now a Nominee!

My Sitcom pilot script "Haunting Party" is now an award nominee at the Austin Revolution Film Festival, a great indie festival in Austin.
Not That Anyone Asked #3 (Star Wars)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
Haunting Party Wins Again!

My Sitcom pilot script "Haunting Party" has advanced to the Semi-Finals of the Austin Revolution Film Festival, a great indie festival in Austin.
The Nine Year

A friend asked me to write him a play tailored for him for a very unique immersive theatre festival with this one fact as motivation "It takes place on the 9th Anniversary of Bozo's death." It closed out the festival and they filmed it. Chaos ensued.
An imagined Cold Open with Will Ferrell

In class this morning, I wrote a cold open for tonight's Conan show as a timed Exercise. I'm very happy with it. Please enjoy!
Not That Anyone Asked #2 (Iron Fist)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
Mike Pence Beats ‘Demonic’ Birthday Party Magician to Death With Bible

"The vice president, who calls himself “a Christian before a politician,” then stood over the felled magician, bringing his well-worn family copy of the word of God down upon him over and over."
Not That Anyone Asked #1 (Alien's Future)

A series where I attempt to rework/rewrite/reboot or just pitch a pop-culture property I will most likely never have the chance to work on.
"Haunting Party" named Official Semi-finalist by Second City!

"Haunting Party", an original spec sitcom pilot was recently named a Semi-finalist in Second City's 2017 Original Sitcom Contest.
Seeking to Attract New Members, Catholic Church Renames Lent ‘Whole40 Program’

“It’s hard enough to attract new members, but we never had to compete with trending topics before,” said Holy See Press Office Director Greg Burke.
Long Walk/Sit Down

One night I saw Game of Thrones and Kendrick Lamar both dropped new videos within hours of each other and they matched up. So, I mashed them up and made a silly thing. 30 minutes later YouTube killed it. They recently accepted it as parody. So, check it out.
The Doorman

The full script of a sketch comedy piece that was part of my 2017 NBC Packet.
Started in the Middle

Back before the election I was toying with writing a full scale political revue called “Your Guide to Knowing how to Check Your Gun’s Gender in an Elementary School Bathroom”. It included this Drake parody about the disappearance of The Middle Class and the Wage Gap.
Wacky Neighbor Falls Down During Cancer Announcement

“That’s so Joe!” said next-door neighboor Susan Henderson. “He’s always wearing these crazy Hawaiian shirts and making margaritas. He’s just such a hoot.”
"Can We Impeach Him for That?!?"

The full script of a sketch comedy piece that was part of my 2017 NBC Packet.
9 Acceptable School Science Fair Projects as Approved by the Trump Administration

Explain how applying the metal directly to the water would be an even better way of getting plants the metal they crave.
Six in the City: Love

A monthly (614) Magazine where you tell a story in six words about the given subject.
Donald Trump to Take Oath of Office on Copy of ‘The Art of the Deal’

“Trump felt the 288-page New Testament was not substantive enough and pointed out that his own book "…has an extra 84 pages, each one fantastic."
Mike Pence Upset Suggestion Not Used in Improv Show

“I was louder than anyone else in there. I’m pretty sure he just knew that guy. It’s not fair.”
Places You Keep Running Into Your High School Ex While Visiting Your Home Town For Thanksgiving

At Kroger on Monday, while picking out a turkey with your mom.
Facing Stop-and-Frisk Criticism, Donald Trump Unveils ‘I Love Him’ Slogan for African Americans

“We have created a great t-shirt. Fantastic t-shirt. One hundred percent cotton, which we all know is the best, plus it’s black. Tremendous.”
Twice Daily Crucifix

“Twice Daily Crucifix is an official selection at the inaugural Nightmares Film Festival!

Update! T.D.C. was nominated for best comedic short at the festival!
Family Relieved Dad Eating Dinner in Other Room To Watch ‘NCIS’

“Thank God for the fall TV season starting up”
8 Shocking Discoveries Made About ITT Tech Following Its Shutdown

I'm pretty sure these are all true.
I Know Today Is A National Tragedy, But My Kickstarter Is 90% Funded And I Could Really Use Your Donation.

When bad timing and national tagedy his you personally, you do what you have to do.
Presidential Youth Fitness Award Adds New Test for Avoiding Gunfire

It's really only a matter of time. Serpentine!'
Local News Channel to Devote 80% of Programming to Powerball-Related Content

A satire piece on local news that I wrote for RobotButt.com
8 Facts I Know to Be True About Mike Pence*

*That I assumed just by looking at him.

A political satire piece I wrote for RobotButt.com
Professional Liars Club

Professional Liars Club, a sitcom that is a cross between Mad Men and The League is a finalist in the 2016 Austin Revolution Film Festival. The script is available upon request.
Terrible bar-drinks to order on a date.

12 Drinks you should never order when out on a date. For a lot of reasons.
", but it's not about that."

", but It's Not About That." is a collection of comedic short plays exploring the various relationships that matter in our life with each one centered around science fiction elements that don't matter. Our relationships with friends, family, government, love, religion and death are explored through: First contact with aliens by a Poison tribute band, cloning, accidentally creating a portal to a hell dimension, finding love by algorithm, time traveling to create a cult and discovering you're a video game character. Each play is named after a grunge song, but it's not about that.
DadBod

It's the hottest thing around right now. Or so some people would lead you to believe. Most likely the donut industry.

Winner of Ind.com's Audience and Judge's choice awards.
Official Selection in Acme Comedy's 2015 Comedy Film Awards
Hype

The best thing you ever ever watched. Just amazing. Hype. Nothing ever lives up to it.

Official Selection of 2015's Studio 35 Comedy Films Festival
Mr Buzzword

Sometimes you can say something without saying anything at all, and sometimes it's the opposite. Know what I'm saying?

Winner of Ind.com's Judge's choice awards.'
Blood Oath

A blood oath is for life. If you ever break it, it breaks you.

Official Selection for Micro-Shorts by the Film Society of Little Rock
Twice Daily Crucifix

Twice Daily Crucifix. The world-wide leader in topical treatment for living with demonic possession.

Official Selection of 2014's Studio 35 Comedy Films Festival

Official Selection for Micro-Shorts by the Film Society of Little Rock
The Outer Spoon

Finally there's a way to BE spooned while spooning! Introducing THE OUTER SPOON!

Official Selection of 2014's Studio 35 Comedy Films Festival

Official Selection of 2015's Film Festival of Columbus
How I Met My Lover

An accidental touch of the hands leads to bromance.
Motivational

A Civil War general gives a rousing speech to insurance salesmen.

Featured in the Mid Ohio Film Association's 3 Days of Comedy contest.
Easter

A father gives the talk to his big eared son.

3rd place winner in the iO West and indi.com Easter sketch challenge.
Bill Cosby Impression Gone Wrong

Be careful. If you do a celebrity impression long enough, it could get stuck.

Official Selection of 2014's Studio 35 Comedy Films Festival

Offial Selection 2014 Wild Goose Comedy Festival
WiFi Hunters and Gatherers

When the power goes out, we all have our priorities.
Quality Dad Time

An improvised scene based on a live suggestion.
Excessive Tweeting

An improvised scene based on a live suggestion.
Underwear

An improvised scene based on a live suggestion.
SuperEgo Supershort #6

A joint production with The SuperEgo Podcast back in 2010 that made the front page of Funny or Die.

They provided the audio, I provided the animation. Check them out at gosuperego.com!